Most of you probably didn't notice the caption for the last photo of Desoto on the last post, the one saying he was 17 weeks. I don't know about you, but most people don't track their dogs' age by how many weeks they are and I'm not just being weird. :) You see, we picked up Desoto after a week or so of thinking we were expecting, but didn't take a test until a week or so AFTER we picked him up because of all the hype with him. Eventually I figured out that Desoto, my dog baby, is probably within a week or so of how far along my actual baby is, hence the 17 weeks.
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| Baby at 12 weeks |
It's true! I'm 17 weeks along tomorrow!! It's a very surreal feeling and completely crazy that Justin and I are actually going to be parents! I'm terrified and excited all at the same time, but it's going to be amazing and is something that we have always been looking forward to and preparing for.
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| Not a fan of the baby bump pictures when I'm looking more chubby than anything, but there you have it...starting to show a bit at 15 weeks. |
Similar to when Justin proposed, I've written down thoughts here and there about the baby and since this is the first time I'm even posting anything about it on here, I hope you don't mind me sharing some of those thoughts.
Written March 26, at 10 weeks pregnant (I thought):
"I had taken the pocket watch back from Justin, since wearing
something that said “Dad” on it wasn’t so applicable anymore (since my miscarriage at 4 weeks in October). So, I put the watch on the counter of the
bathroom for him to find. I don’t think
he believed me when he saw it. I don’t
think he believed me days later when he asked if I’d taken more than that one
pregnancy test. I took another one and
it was positive too! I don’t blame him for
not believing me, last time the miscarriage had come so soon, even though we’d
gotten so excited. And this time, though
I knew things were different because I could feel my body changing, he couldn’t
tell what was different about it.
Finally, when he could tell my body and my overall health was being
affected, and because I was always talking about it, looking things up,
calculating my due date and stuff, I think it finally started to sink in a
little bit.
"There’s
still such a high chance of miscarriage that I think we’re still being very
hesitant in our planning and excitement.
Even in the last 2 weeks I know 2 women who have miscarried who were
further along than I was at the time.
It’s scary and such a sad thought, but we’ve both been promised in our
patriarchal blessings that if we keep our covenants then we will be blessed
with children, and mine says I’ll bear and raise them. I know patriarchal blessings can talk about
promises that happen throughout the eternities, but I’m really excited and hope
they happen while Justin and I are here on earth together. We’re trying our best to keep our covenants,
love each other, and be better people so that we can create an even better home
than we have now for our baby coming in October and more on the way after
that. This I do know, the more I watch
and know Justin, the more excited I am to see him with his own child. I’m so blessed!
"Now this is what our house looks like: Pretty typical and not much change except for
a huge kennel in the kitchen where Desoto sleeps, his chew toys all over the
living room, and a crib and changing table in an upstairs bedroom. There are a lot more changes to come in the
coming months, but in the last one, there’s been two major ones- a dog who is
going to be HUGE and a baby on the way!"
Written April 11:
"I had been stressing every day about miscarriage and even the
fact of not being pregnant at all. I had
had dreams that the doctor was going to tell me I wasn’t pregnant. Stressing, stressing… to say the least. Our first doctor appointment came and Dr.
Meredith came in and talked and joked with us for quite a while, easing my
nerves a lot. Then he was ready for the
ultrasound so it was the moment of truth.
As soon as the picture popped up on the screen all I could think was, “That’s
a baby.” (not to be confused with the
beautiful people and “baby” jokes my family tells). There was a definite baby on the screen,
meaning IN me! Crazy! Justin came to
stand by me and hold my hand and I just teared up, my dreams were coming
true! It had happened and was
happening…we were becoming parents! Now,
typically you go to the doctor for the first time between 8 and 10 weeks of
being pregnant but here I was, 11 weeks and 1 day I thought, and barely getting
to the doctor because of all the insurance stuff we had had to go through. In addition to that, the doctor measured the
baby as we watched its arms and legs move around, and said that the baby
measured at 12 weeks. So, it’s not just
true that I am pregnant, I’m a week ahead of what I thought I was! I’ll take it!
"My
prayers at this point are that the baby survives, and continues to grow and
develop as it should so we can bring it home healthy and strong. I know there are always possibilities for
otherwise, which the Lord will strengthen Justin and I to get through it if
that’s in HIS plans, but I sure hope it isn’t.
I’m excited for our baby, to help and see it grow and develop, to get to
know it’s personality, to help it pursue its’ goals and dreams, to love it and
cuddle it and give it everything it needs and be the best mom I can be and that
it deserves. I hope I can live up to it
all for the baby’s and Justin’s sakes :)
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| "That's a baby" moment |
Written April 16:
"Little one, we love you.
I can’t wait to feel you move. I
can’t wait to see the changes in my body more, not that I want to get fat but
because it’ll mean that you’re doing well and growing as you should. I’m scared to death about labor and delivery
but I can’t wait to hold you in my arms and then have us be wrapped by the big,
strong, loving arms of your dad. I have no idea what your name will be but I
can’t wait until your dad blesses you. I
can’t wait to see your relationship with your dad grow and hope you love life just
as much as he does. I’m so excited to
get to know you and your personality and help you achieve your dreams and
goals. I’m going to be a stickler to a
lot of rules so I know I won’t be the funnest at times, but know that I’m doing
it because I love you and want you to succeed, and I’m always up for playing a
bunch too. I’m excited to hear and see your testimony throughout your life,
even in your precious eyes when you first cross that veil and come to me. I know there are many hard times ahead of us,
but I’ll always be here for you and so will your dad, I know it.
Grow strong, little one.
I love you."
