Take a Breath

Tonight after taking Justin dinner in the rain I went to fill up my car with gas just as it was stopping.  By the time my car was full the sky was turning blue again, the clouds an array of color, and there was a complete double rainbow streaking across the sky.  They were huge and so close!  I felt like if I drove for just a bit then I could find both ends of it on each side.  I tried to take some pictures but just am not a master at that.  Justin, however, sent me this picture just a little while later.  It's not the complete rainbows, but it's an incredible picture just the same. 

We're surrounded by beauty.  The world we live in may be chaotic and rushed, but moments like today are amazing and help me take a breath, slow down and be grateful for the beauties around.  Take a moment to slow down and enjoy the incredible beauties around you. 

 

Dream the Dream

Since I was a little girl I remember listening, watching and reading about Les Miserables, the incredible book by Victor Hugo and broadway play with AMAZING music.  My sister, Traci, and I would act the play out with barbies in our room, featuring us as the singers for probably every part. 

Well the rule in my family was that in order to see the play you had to read the book.  Les Mis came to Salt Lake when I was probably 10 or so and as much as I'd acted out the play with barbies and knew every song, I hadn't read the 1,500 page book, or the abridged version at 1,000 pages.  As a 10 year old, imagine that.  So, I stayed behind as Traci and Scott went with my parents (they finished the book on the way to dinner before the play).  Their excitement about how amazing it was just motivated me even more to read the book so I could go. 

Years later, after having read both the abridged and unabridged versions a few times each, I still hadn't had the chance to see my beloved Les Mis, though I am no longer acting it out with barbies.  (No, my parents aren't neglectful or bad with promises, Les Mis hasn't been back to Salt Lake and a trip to France isn't always the easiest.)

Well it's obvious what this is leading to.... for years I "dreamed the dream" and finally I got to live it!  Woo hoo!  Les Mis came to Salt Lake and it was practically perfect from my dreams!  From knowing the original music so well I worried that I would be disappointed hearing other people, but it was fabulous!  I could've gone on stage and sung along with them!  My only disappointment was not having the turning stage that Les Mis is famous for, but what do you expect when it's a traveling broadway play in the states now?  Even without it I loved it! 

Justin, who isn't the hugest fan of musicals, came with me and even enjoyed it too!  He didn't know much about Les Mis before me, but has a full knowledge now and has even randomly started singing a song from it every now and then.

We went to Lagoon the day before and had a blast at Lagoon-A-Beach as well as on the rides.  We had a bit of a scare in thinking we lost his wedding ring, but our great landlord checked in our apartment for us and found that Justin had left it in the shower.  After that we were able to really relax and find our inner-kids again, renewing our love for roller coasters and big-time thrills.  Their new roller coaster, "Wicked" is super fun and different, at least for the first half of the ride. 

Whether it's seeing a play, having a family, starting a business, writing a book or whatever, no matter how old you are or how long you've "dreamed the dream" make it happen!  Then move onto the next and enjoy life!

Just Thinking....(lots of thoughts)

Justin is off working through the night so I get the lovely pleasure of going to bed by my lonesome...oh joy right?  Who would've thought that after just 6 months of marriage I would struggle sleeping at night if he wasn't close by?  Can't help lovin' that man :)  Needless to say, here I sit, late at night, trying to keep myself entertained because I can't sleep and he won't be home till morning. 

Life has been so busy lately that I haven't spent much time reading or "blog-stalking."  But this week i've read letters from my missionary brother, a letter from my older brother to my grandpa who passed away, and blog posts of people I love and admire.  Coincidence or not, and I think not, what i've read has been right in with thoughts I've been having lately, so I thought it necessary to say something about it.  

CHANGE...

Change can be a beautiful thing, expected and planned or not.  Life changes when we start and finish school, change jobs, move places, start a diet, make investments, have children, lose loved ones, and in so many other ways.  I've personally had so many incredible experiences with change that have helped me grow, learn and live life more fully in the end. 

I've been through changes like:
             My best friend falling in love, getting married and moving on to stages I couldn't follow her in
                                                 Dropping everything and going on a mission for the Lord, then allowing myself to be molded into the woman and servant He needed me to be
                Taking a step in following one of hundreds of interests for a career and just hoping it'd work
                       Living with a man  :)                                 Graduating college with many decisions ahead
Pursuing an actual career                                 First death of a person I really knew and loved
                                  Giving my full heart to someone and getting it back from him
                                                        and
           Seasons being longer than planned and the sun finally coming out :)

Looking back, some of these times have been really hard and some not as much. I do appreciate the changes that have come into my life because I've grown so much.  I shouldn't be afraid of change because I know it so well, but here's a secret.....I am.

There's a lot of exciting opportunities and changes ahead for Justin and I in the next few weeks, months and years, but life is just soooo good right now that it's hard to feel entirely gung-ho about really anything different. We do have stresses that can be intense but are pretty laid-back, we laugh and smile all the time and are free to be dorks (though I don't know if that'll ever change :) , do so many things and we can really fix most problems that come up.                                             

Life is beautiful!  (My sister's words, but it's true!)

What I'm afraid of are not the structural changes, like our schedules, our jobs, our home, and other things, though those can be scary too.  I'm most afraid of US changing from our beautiful life along with the other changes.

A woman I really admire lost her baby last year in an accident and since then has noticed a lot of changes, in herself, her husband, their relationship, dreams, and everything else. It was a huge change and trajedy for them that it's no wonder so much was affected and so deeply.  Her words say it so well and is especially what I'm afraid of, through her same situation or another. 

She said,
"For months I haven't been able to look at pictures from before the accident. I miss the light and happiness in our eyes, especially his. I can see we laughed more often, life seemed so light and happy. Now, when looking at pictures of myself I want to scream and warn myself to not take those precious moments for granted. To hold my baby and never let go. And when I look at those pictures I realize that before the accident there was never a problem that I couldn't really fix. Now, I realize that there is nothing I can do to fill that gaping hole in my heart.

Now, not all change happens to this heartbreaking extent, and when it does I know the Lord will strengthen us to be able to bear it in some form as he's strengthened her, but things still change and can be difficult.  Maybe I'm just taking a sentimental moment while my husband is away to be grateful for him and all the other changes that've happened in my life to make it so beautiful right now.  Either way, it is how it is- change can be super exciting but very scary and either way we need to move forward with it and take the opportunities that are right to help us grow.  Life goes on and if it changes from beautiful to something else for awhile, there is always the hope and promise that it will be beautiful again, a different beautiful but beautiful nonetheless.   

I may still be afraid of changes when I expect them or anticipate them, and life is guarunteed to be hard at times.  But, throughout it all the sun does shine one way or another and everything will work out for the best in the grand scheme of things. 

To keep life beautiful when change happens, create it that way for every minute of every day.